New posts

I have several new posts on my new blog Cheryl Wright Perspectives.

Blog Merger

I've been thinking of merging my blogs and I did it. Just about an hour ago, I did all the technical stuff and Cheryl Wright - Perspectives was created. I imported all my posts from my other blogs.

Boy do I feel Internet savvy!

I needed some simplicity with this or overwhelm will be the order of the day where blogging is concerned. Cheryl Wright - Perspectives will be a one-stop shop for sharing my perspectives on my passions: life (self-improvement/inspiration for lifestyle choices/ finding and pursuing our dreams), writing, home and design (creating spaces to reflect our personalities and lifestyles and to nurture us on every level), and spiritual reflections.


I hope your will visit, follow and subscribe.

Curtail Over-thinking

Do you dilly-dally over making a decision? Are you looking at an emerging situation, an approaching deadline to say yes or no or a long-held dream that calls you to follow? How long have you been thinking about it? Maybe you have passed the thinking stage and moved into the realm of over-thinking.

Over-thinking is both a conscious and unconscious way of seeking perfection, complete knowledge, perfect timing, ideal circumstances, and no opposition before making a decision. Of course we should know what risks are involved in a venture, the best time to start, start over or move forward, the most promising atmosphere to launch our ideas, voice our concerns or spill our emotions.

The problem is that the more we think or over-think the issues around a decision we have to make, the more obsessed and fearful we become. And that obsession with caution and perfection can blind us to the importance, possibilities and benefits of making the decision. Our obsession with over-thinking can result in our being inefficient at work, preoccupied at home and distant in our relationships.

It takes time and effort to change the way we think and approach decision-making. However, when we are willing to alter our thought patterns and thought processes a light goes on and the doors and windows swing open flooding our minds with clarity and confidence to say yes or no to the issue before us.

My name is Cheryl and I’m an over-thinker.

Every major decision I’ve made in the last twenty years, came after major over-thinking. I can over-think an issue to death. This is partly due to my natural bent to be methodical and organized. Fear of failure, ridicule and “I told you so” comments are other reasons for my obsessive over-thinking.

Like the recovering alcoholic, I doubt I’ll ever be completely cured of my over-thinking tendency. To help me stay on the wagon as I navigate the journey of my life I use the following process to minimize my obsessive over-thinking. I’ll share them with you hoping that you too can put the brakes on your over-thinking habit and get cracking with the decision that you’ve been putting off.

Sort it out. Although the packaging may be tempting, it is usually unwise to dive into most ventures: job, academic studies, home, car or some other financial investment, relationship, business, etc.

Nothing comes without its inherent sacrifices, compromises and consequences. Unless of course, you are high-rolling risk-taker, free, single and disengaged, with no dependents or serious responsibilities, sorting out all that will be involved in making the decision. Knowing the fundamental Who, What, Where, When, Why and How will move you to the yes or no line in a timely manner.

Write it out. This is always a key ingredient in understanding and organizing your life, your priorities and of course decisions. Writing out your thoughts and feelings about a particular issue, the facts, the fears and the risks inherent in making a particular decision is a prime step in the direction of making concrete plans and taking definite action.

You don’t necessarily need to have all the information up front. Work with what you have at the moment to give yourself a head start and a written account of your thought processes and a working list to refer to as you get additional information, further understanding and answers to your questions. More important, writing your way through to the decision, gives you clarity and new insight not only into the issue itself but into your true feelings about it, your ability and willingness to commit the time, energy and resources it may demand.

Seek out the help you need. Sometimes a bit of false pride and even fear of ridicule or a dismissive response may push us in the direction of working through the pre-decision phase alone. More often than not, without someone to act as a sounding board, books or the Internet to provide information and advice, working examples and “I’m here for you; I’ve got your back,” support, we may end up spinning our wheels and going nowhere. Never quite confident or equipped enough to make a decision.

Try not to dwell too much on the questions that begin with “Suppose...” because they tend to keep you stuck in a negative mode and fearful. Of course you need to know the risks and prepare yourself to deal with them. Do that and move on to the questions that focus on the positive aspects of making the decision.

Whatever decision you are facing, there are always resourceful and supportive people who are willing to stand with you and places (books and websites) that provide the precise information to help you along in the thinking process.

Map out your plan. Once you have a full and clear picture of the ramifications of the decision you are considering, don’t waste time over-thinking. Make your decision.

If “No” is your answer, that’s fine. Now move on. If however, you choose the affirmative response, begin to put details to the basic outline you would have written earlier.

Over-thinking curtailed; thinking done. It’s time for action.

It might be time for some internal de-cluttering

De-cluttering your living and work spaces is necessary to effect efficiency, productivity and create the space and atmosphere conducive to living and functioning at your best. But if you want to free yourself of the clutter of life you also have to clear, organize and streamline the mental and emotional clutter that build up, choke the joys out of your days and keep out the things and people that could really add the spice you need to live a full and joyful life.

We accumulate a great deal of physical clutter around us. Moreover, we are unaware of its slow build up until an event or some epiphany causes us to open our eyes and notice how crowded our space has become. In the same way, the drone of daily life also causes a build up of emotional and mental clutter that increasingly overpowers and drowns our best intentions at creating a happy, contented and fulfilled life. Additionally, they prevent great opportunities and wonderful people from entering and affecting our lives for the better.

Are you fueling anger, nursing grudges, clinging to old hurts, cradling fears, nurturing irrational anxieties and sleeping with all sorts of obsessions? If you are guilty of hoarding these and similar kinds of clutter, opportunities to expand your horizons and explore new experiences might be bypassing your door. Your internal clutter might be clouding your view and blocking the entryway to your lives.

If you feel crowded and your best efforts stymied despite a well-organized space at home and at work, see if any of the following internal clutter has installed an “UNWELCOME” mat at your life’s door.

1. Low self-esteem, poor self-image

Who you were a decade or two ago has little to do with the person staring back from the mirror today. Are you guilty of carrying around negative feelings about yourself year after year? Difficult as it is to admit, you must realize that you’re wasting time, energy and great opportunities with this toxic piece of clutter. Ask yourself, “How has this benefited me this year?

Additionally, there may be pillars supporting your low self-esteem or self-image. They are old and shaky and your life and happiness is in jeopardy. Dismantle those faulty pillars and erect more sturdy ones that will support a more realistic and healthy view of yourself and liberate you to explore your potential.

2. Regrets

We may have wishes and dreams that are unrealistic, or time-sensitive. Would you really trade what you have and who you are today for something else, a different life with a different family perhaps? Author Jennifer Lawler says, “It’s easy to think of the ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’s,’ but at some point it’s time to give up past expectations and take inventory of what makes you happy now.” Embrace and be thankful for the security of knowing who you are and what is important to your happiness.

3. A lost love

Trinkets, photos and love letters from a old boyfriend or ex-husband may seem harmless. But they may also be symptoms of internal clutter that’s unintentionally hurting your new relationship or chances of one. It’s easy to read old love letters and fantasize about the one that got away. But your time and energy is much better spent focusing on the positive aspects of the one who loves you now. Examine why you’re hanging on to these symbols of the past. Are they reminders of good times with an old friend or something more that might be standing between you and a deeper relationship with someone else? Rid your life of the lost love by toss the mementos.

4. Nagging Expectations

Most of us have something we wish we could change about our spouse, in-laws, boss, jobs, etc. Eradicate the pressure on yourself and your relationship with these people. Acknowledge that everyone is different and they may not be too thrilled with some of your ways either. Identify their good qualities and use them to strengthen rather than fragment the relationships.

5. Old Grudges

We all have someone who did us wrong in the past. Is it really worth it to harbor that grudge? Isn’t it affecting our life, how you perceive and deal with people? Remember that when you hold a grudge against someone, who give them power over you, your life and relationships. Free yourself to trust and love again. Give yourself permission to bag it and toss it.

6. Obsessions

Far too often my need for perfectionism limits how far I venture with a project or how soon I can finish my chores and get ready to go out and have some fun. I have made some progress in the last year, but I still have some distance to go with this.

Obsessions can rob us of the freedom to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, like the mere delight of an hour or two spent doing nothing at all, the opposite of what our obsessions demand or being blissfully adventurous and creative.

Are you overdue for some mental and emotional de-cluttering? Ready, set, go; crumple, shred and toss your internal clutter.

Sunday Scribblings - Indulgence

Here's my contribution to Sunday Scribbling latest prompt - Indulgence


Indulgence is a dirty word for many women. Being married and having children usually puts a negative spin on indulging for the sake of our own selves.

We should view indulgence from the perspective of what is necessary to develop and nurture our best selves. A little indulgence at regular times or spontaneous moments goes far and accomplishes much. Our preferred indulgence and not another person’s choice for us can awaken our best selves. Over time, as we repeat or incorporate other indulgences, we will notice a growing and expanding version of who we really are beneath the labels other people place on us. We connect with our hearts. We find ourselves, our own styles, our own dreams, our own passions and our own life’s purpose.

At our best selves, we are more willing to move our needs further up our list of priorities. We learn to set and keep the kind of boundaries that allow us to explore our potential. At our best selves, we are more willing and better equipped at all levels of our humanity to give our best attention and efforts to our responsibilities at home and at work.

I used to be so afraid to indulge in the simple activities that I enjoyed and whenever I did, I felt guilty for days after. No more. What began as a toe-dipping-in-the-pool experiment has blossomed into a regular schedule of simple indulgences that relaxes my body, renews my mind, nurtures my soul and fuels my passion. It has become the surest way to prime myself to live my best life and give my best attention to the people and work that I love.

The Power of Three

If you have ever watched the television series, Charmed, you are familiar with the phrase “The power of three” and its significance to the three witches. I am not a fan of the show but I’ve always been intrigued by the words.

The following five three-word phrases hold no magic but they will have a profound impact in your life and your relationships if you use them on a daily basis.

1. I love you. From babyhood to adulthood, this phrase is comforting and encouraging and helps to engender a positive mindset and wholesome perspective of ourselves, our place in the world, relationships and life in general. Knowing that we are loved and hearing the words, often makes it easier to surmount obstacles in our lives, rise to opportunities, stay centred in the midst of trying circumstances and grow in confidence.

If these are some of the benefits you have received from someone saying “I love you" to you, then do the same. Say it and say it often.

2. I need help. Does this phrase fill you with dread? Do you hesitate or refuse to use it fearful that the question will portray you as weak, incapable and unprofessional? Save your fear for a more realistic issue. Instead of being a sign of weakness, asking for help is the opposite. It is a sign of strength. It is a sign of maturity. Depending on the circumstances it can be the sign of a professional who knows that often success hinges on the knowledge that a variety of people bring to the table.

Who never needed help? The holders of the highest office in every country surround themselves with advisors to counsel them on every issue they have to deal with on a daily basis. Left to themselves to do it all, well, God help us.

It is true that help is not always given willingly or generously. Nevertheless, ask. The help you seek doesn’t necessarily have to come from one source. Seek another and another until you get the help you need. Sometimes it is in the process of seeking and asking for help that clarity and answers come.

On your journey through your life, with its daily troubles, goals you want to accomplish and dreams calling out to be achieved, you could be wasting time and losing ground if you don’t ask for help. Bring humility, respect and patience into the mix and enhance your relationship with the person who gives you the help you need.

3. I’ll do it. Community projects in your neighbourhood, programs your church is planning or new departmental or company initiatives all require and will only succeed if people like you are will to step up to the proverbial plate.

Sometimes projects have all the professional help they need. Their calls are for support personnel to implement plans and polices. Other times, they need people to volunteer their expertise, their time and their unique skills. As the country braces for hard economic times ahead, calls will go out for help from various groups.

When the opportunity arises, when the call comes, will you step up to the plate with a hearty, “I’ll do it”?

4. I appreciate you. “Thank you” is one thing. “I appreciate you" and "I appreciate it" says so much more. Don’t you think? We can be thankful to someone or for something and not truly appreciate the thought, the act, the gift, the help or the situation.

For example:

You might say thank you when the office messenger picks up your lunch order. Yet have you ever thought to tell him how much you appreciate his leaving the air conditioned comfort of the office to walk back and forth in the blazing sun?

You might say thank you to your child’s baby sitter but when last did you say and show a more heartfelt appreciation for the immeasurable support she is to you by freeing you from worrying about your child?

Who are the people who bring balance, organization and simplicity to your life? When last did you tell them that you appreciate what they do for you and your family?

Let’s ensure that deep and meaningful appreciation is at the heart of every thank you we say and every now and then, we tell someone that we appreciate him or her, their help, their discipline, their kindness, etc.

5. Yes I can. I read that President-elect Barack Obama. I am told he did not utter these words without wide consultation or deep contemplation on all it would mean to his political career and his family. He pondered long and hard and once he believed that it was possible and that he had the confidence and fortitude to face the ramifications, he declared to himself first and then to everyone else, including the citizens of the United States of America and the rest of the watching world, “Yes I can” and yes, he did.

Of course now he is the poster child (man) for dreams coming true, the possibility and the reality of change and the power of three little words. Do you have the belief, the confidence and the adventurous heart to take this phrase and make it a part of your life arsenal to fight negativity?

Unlike the witches in Charmed, you can’t invoke the “power of three” but you can use these three-word phrases to make a difference in your life and in the lives of people you live and work with and those you encounter on your life’s path.

Happy 4th July 2009

Happy Independence Day

to all my American friends.

Correction to yesterday's post

Apologies to Janice Hunter of Sharing the Journey.

Janice and not Mary is the author of the post "Staycations - How far away is happiness" which I linked to in my post dated July 1st.

Staycation thoughts

For some time now I've been people's thoughts on "Staycations" but Mary Jaksch's post at Good Life Zen struck a soulful cord with me, especially the following sentiment today's post,"Staycation - How far away is happiness?"

A change of scene begins with a change of thoughts.

We don’t always need new vistas; sometimes it’s enough to see what we already have with new eyes and be grateful. If we can’t be happy where we are, with what we have, how can we ever be truly happy somewhere else?

Read the full post here.

I invite you to share your thoughts on this word"Staycations" what it means to you and how it would manifest itself in your life.

What is your passion?

What’s your passion? Yes yours. What revs your engine, stirs up your emotions and spurs you into a spontaneous response? I’m not talking about passion in the negative sense as anger but as a deep love, a throbbing fervor, a burning zeal, an obsession even, for something - a cause, a hobby or some other activity for example.

It doesn’t have to be one thing that fires up our hearts and pumps our adrenaline. We may have several minor passions that hinge on or simply keep company with the one that we never grow tired of, even when our physical strength wanes.

You might say that you don’t have a passion. But how can that be? Surely, surely there is some issue, some leisure pursuit, some cause, some problem that arouses you. Sometimes a pet peeve can be the spark that ignites a passion. Countless businesses have been launched in response to a pet peeve. Maybe you can start there.

So what is your passion?

Find it

Start with the obvious. Take a close look at everything you do and see on a daily basis, from the mundane to the extraordinary and everything in between. What daily chores or work-related tasks do you look forward to, make plans for, enjoy in a deeply special way, almost on an emotional and spiritual level? What annoys you, makes you want to take a stand and voice your disgust or your support?

The answer may not come readily so give the process time to reveal results worthy of exploring. Once you identify the things that stir you deeply, examine each individually. Analyze the emotions they provoke and track the reasons why it happens. How do you respond to these emotions? Do you push them aside, stifle them, ponder, write in your journal, talk it out with someone, find solutions if necessary or act a certain way?

If you stick with this process for as long as it might take, you will find your passion.

Ignite it

When you have identified your passion, don’t just set it aside until you have time, space, cleared your credit card balance, your children are grown, you retire, or any other excuse. Ignite it by taking it out of the dark recesses of your past, if that is where it is. Clear thoughts of what this or that person will think or say. Rescue it from beneath the layers of excuses, doubts and apprehensions that crowd your life and cloud your vision.

These are some of the ways to ignite your passion: Set it front and center in your life. Write about it in your journal. Cut out, stick, clip, paste or hang a picture or a symbol in a place where you will see it every day. Talk about it with a trusted friend, mentor or someone else who will welcome your enthusiasm and encourage you on this journey.

The flame may flicker weakly in the beginning. Give your passion a prominent place and the flame will build and brighten.

Fan it

No flame will burn perpetually without fuel and oxygen. The flame of your passion will lose its power and its glow if you do not fan it vigorously by fueling it regularly and systematically with a smart and progressive working plan to keep it alive and strong.

Ask yourself: what consistent actions could I take to give my passion wings? What kinds of fuel do I have within and where can I find fuel without to move my passion along at a steady pace to its fullest potential?

The answers to these questions will help to generate a rough outline of a plan, in the first instance, which you can fine-tune into a comprehensive and manageable working plan that will fan the flame of your passion.

Live it

When we are convinced that we have found our passion and that we are giving due care and attention to the intensity of its flame, our perspectives change. It is as if the lens through which we are looking has been cleaned or changed. We stop glancing backward. Despite whatever difficulties we might be facing, we see the present rife with blessings and opportunities. The future, though uncertain, still seems bright and promising.

Knowing and igniting our passions add a certain excitement to our daily lives. When we fan the flames with time, effort and sharing it with others, its glows and grows, taking us along on an adventurous ride.

Sometimes, because our lives are so multifaceted, we may have difficulty finding time to nurture our passions. But they are kind and patient. They stay with us, despite the fact that their flames might be weakening from lack of fuel and oxygen. Passion being what it is, we cannot travel too far from it. We cannot live too long without it. We find little satisfaction with anything else. It must be alive and active, bright and burning for us to feel and be fulfilled.

What is your passion?

Is it sitting flame-less and idle somewhere or is its flame glowing bright and consistent and pulsating with excitement to expand? What are you doing on a regular basis to fan the flames of your passion? Are you living it, exploring it, inching your way towards its fullest expression?

This piece was first published in the WomanWise Magazine (the Sunday pullout in the Trinidad Guardian newspaper) on 19th April, 2009.